Where are you from they asked? I reply, “Right here”
They said, “No, where are you really from?”
So I start the story..
A tribe lived in Africa near the Cape of Good Hope.
Some thought it was hopeless so they set off to the North.
After fighting the Somali pirates they ended up in Egypt.
The Pyramids were nice but they got bored of the cubes,
So they went to the Holy Land to become more holy.
Too much holiness got boring and god it was boring,
They wanted to party like 1982 AD so they went to Lebanon,
But Israel got annoyed so they blew up all the party bunkers,
So they had no choice but to go to Istanbul.
After a few night of partying some one wanted Chinese food
So they flew to China. However the food wasn’t nice so
they returned to Turkey, with their shiny new iPhone’s.
Some wanted to go North again, other said enough of North
Lets go South East for some Desert Safari in Arabia!
They met beautiful women in Arabia and they had to get hitched
The Imam said its marriage or the head
So they agreed and saved their heads
The women wanted nothing but shopping, however they got
bored of all the malls there, so they said lets go to
Shiraz in Iran to shop in the biggest mall.
But the Mall was closed because the USA sold Saudi
all the Nike Shoes. Ayatollah’s were pissed, Levis without Nike
shoes was an insult. Fatwas were thrown and so were the
woman thrown in jail for 444 shoes not sent to Tehran.
The men escaped, freedom at last they said.
They went East and got hammered in Afghanistan,
robbed in Pakistan and ended stoned dead on
beach of Goa India. There they met a few American women,
they tired the local “Taj Mahal” trick (You are pretty, I love you
sort of thing) and it work and the women said yes (to yet
another marriage), so it was off to America.
So the men sang “O say can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
for a better life in America”
The land of the free and brave
Until FBI raided the homes
The women were Russian Spies
All that freedom and bravery went
The men were thought to be Mexican so they got deported
to Mexico. They said ”Thank you Arizona” and went for Tequila.
Years later sitting at a Drug lord’s table, he said “Get out
of Mexico, no more drug for you lot go bother
some Colombians for once”. They once again set out towards
South but on the way got lost in the Amazon Rain Forest
and ended up in Rio. Brazil was fine with beach, women and
the beautiful game Football. They learned ‘Football’ and
one of them got to play in the Finals between Brazil and
England. However he accidentally scored an own goal
and England Won the World Cup for once and yes England
finally won a World Cup. This didn’t please the South American
Nations, so they kicked the guy who scored an own goal out.
He had no choice to try and seek asylum in England.
After years had passed
He finally got accepted as a citizen
of the UK. Generations passed
Until I (his ancestor) ended up here.
Oh wait I forgot about the rest of the story about those
who went North to Europe, America and Russia
and those got left over in China and Asia and
those who kept hope in Africa.
In the end they said, “So you are one of us”
I said “That is what I said, I am from the planet Earth,
until my alien ancestors arrive”